Rid Of My Rot

It's been nothing but nightmares this year, nothing but. Before then I had never had but one nightmare and it was fear I felt. Now I get a pang here pang there, pangiddty pang pang panger! I feel my stomach ready to come up, bubbling as it does and forming newly against the inside of my belly skin, red, and sensitive. My arms are like loose springs and my legs only strong enough to drag along. Even when I don't see them they are there as I sleep playing within the wrinkles of my brain and making even the heaviest sleep kill any chance of energy in the morning. I grow exhausted earlier in the nights and I grow exhausted during day, these nightmares constantly tugging, pulling, my hair my stomach, constantly trying and teasing for more bile. I've returned some sleep nothing but a shell of nutrientless, stringy flesh. 

The Nightmare: It was filled with sneakiness but kindness. A smirk, maybe not kind. I snuck through windows, clattering and heaving myself around in attempts to escape a "home". I placed myself comfortably at an unfamiliar computer, but I knew who's it was. As I occupied myself playing various PC games I heard footsteps above me, he was awake. So were others. The group game smoothly down the stairs, his arm around her waist and those two puppy women following in adornment giggling and sighing. I turn in the chair, my side facing him, no eye contact made at all in effort. My eyes like magnets, they want to, but I know better, I know safer. "Hey.." Theres that smirk. I glance, I can't help it. But only for a second to find his eyes down at his shoes as he slips them on, his other hand still holding hers. I nod as he leaves. "Oh shes so into him! Shes going to try something! Isn't she so cute?!" I come to the window and in a flash the two of them are on top of his car going at it like apes. Is he trying? I don't care to find out because I've been hit hard. My entire upper body begins to ache and I heave deeply for any air, all air, but get no air. My stomach is twisting, turning, aching. My left side in absolute pain but trying to get numb, so slowly. I'm having a heart-attack. I float backwards until I'm on my back, everything looking down on me as if I'm in a grave, but I'm simple on the floor writhing around and gripping at my chest, or trying to because those small breasts are in my way. Wheres my heart, wheres that damned thing, throw it out! I want it out! It seems like hours as my heart-attack continues, and probably is because when he returns with her I'm still on the floor. I might as well have been squirming in my own vomit if not for the fact that it hadn't come yet. Waiting was what I was doing, waiting is all I've ever been doing. Waiting with nausea was all I did for him. Let me puke out all I can, puke out all my past and puke out all of his entrails and not mine. Let be puke out his kidney, his liver, his stomach, and let me puke out his heart.