I'm either getting more irate or Ash is becoming a bigger, more prideful Lion in which I want to beat. It's become incredibly difficult for me to deal with Ash whenever she is either unkempt or excited and I show a different attitude. I'm beginning to feel as if she doesn't respect my qualities as a person and I'll become angrier and more defensive if things continue on. Sometimes I feel as though she takes but when I want to borrow then all I get is a distortion of the face and a no with a pursing of the lips and instantly I feel as if I'm at fault, but I'm growing to know better. I'm growing, period. Growing, period. I feel less apt to hang out with her and have conversations with her because I they generally end in discomfort or fluster.
As Rachel plays guitar though I feel the turmoil dying and I feel like closing my eyes to relax and spend my life in imagination. Still, the thoughts of judgement run through my head as I look at Ash more and more outside of what I've learned about her on the inside and more of the irony of how her exterior is taking over, the expected. I can't remember how I thought of her before our friendship, and maybe I didn't think anything to save it for now because it is all typical of people in general.
I'm going to hop off before wasting too much time.
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