I suppose I'm just not feeling adequate today. I'm not sure why. It's been a while since a swing. I felt overly fantastic this morning but then--that's what did it, the guy on the bus. "You're a girl, right?" "Yeah." "Sor--" "No it's fine." No, it isn't fine. It's questioning the little femininity that I have. I don't wear make-up, I don't have boobs, but you'd think my facial structure might give it away. It isn't manly, not to me. Just when I was beginning to see a little beauty in myself and notice how I was growing up and into a woman I get gender questioned. I never realized how much it was affecting me.It's not like I could change the clothes and be done with it, I don't want to have to.
I would like someone who could make me feel like I might actually be attractive, or that I might be a good person, because now I believe neither of those things. I don't want someone online, someone who has never met me in person, someone who has only seen the pictures I pose for and get ready for and make as pretty as I can. Someone who can see me move, see my facial expressions change, see my mannerisms and see how unique I used to think they were. Someone who, for once, will ask "how are you" before I can ask them. Someone who is as interested as I am. Not just doing life because it's a chore.
I can't focus, I'm done.
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