Planner Post

In school I sometimes get the urge to write, and being the lazy fool I am I'll take out my planner instead of a sheet of paper and scribble away. This will be the first time I share something actually from my planner. I wrote it in Japanese class when a girl was being promiscuous, however it came to life later in the day in AP Psychology when we discussed "intimacy".
"Vulgar. Sexual. Craving. Deprived. ... Disgusting but unchanged. Natural. It's all over the place. At times it infuriates me, stops me cold, provokes a protective mold around me. Other times, lone times, I wander in scenarios. Hypocritical, for me. I feel blind, stupid, unopened. Untouched. Ridiculous. A fools mind. I'm fighting in me to find the right way to criticize it, to do it, to like it."

Continuing..

It's human nature but sometimes I get a tick from hearing about people wanting to do it, about to do, already doing it. Does it make me controlling that I wished they'd waited or would? Or does it make me moral filled. Is it out of fear of guilt or is it out of fear of pain, performance awareness, or the reality that I might not like it and relief will never come? Strong will? Whatever it is, I know I'm not ready, I don't have the time, the stability, the... I haven't chosen anyone worthy in truth. Not worthy in the prospect that I'm superior or full of worth, but in the equal sense, or close to it. So far as style, needs, wants, and so on continue.

I'm cold. I'm going to go lay down and PONDER.